Amnesia Amigoes
by Aenea
Summary: After being clonked over the head, Harry begins to show signs of amnesia. Ron and Hermione decide to milk the situation for all it’s worth.
1. Infirmary

**Title:** Amnesia Amigoes

**Author's:** Aenea and Mindalme (combined effort, praise goes to both…flames go to neither).

**Summary:** After being clonked over the head, Harry begins to show signs of amnesia.  Ron and Hermione decide to milk the situation for all it's worth.  Also stars a clinically depressed Draco Malfoy.  Probably only amusing the mentally deranged, but give it a go anyway.

Amnesia Amigos

_Chapter One_

***In the Infirmary***

Harry came to with an aching head and a desperate need to use the toilet.  He reached out and somehow found his glasses (even though he had no idea they were there) and pulled them on.  Then he looked around the room.  It appeared he was back in the infirmary.  Again.  Harry turned to look beside his bed.

"Whoa, I'm seeing double," said Harry, peering at the person…people…whatever…in front of him.  He tried to rub his eyes, but just ended up hitting his glasses.  

"No, we're twins," said Fred and George in unison, their deafening voices reverberating through Harry's head.  He winced slightly.

"Yeah, I know, but there's four of you," Harry replied groggily.  The quads frowned at each other and then looked at Harry.

"Are you alright?  You've been out for awhile…" said Fred…or George…or other Fred…or other George.  Harry blinked woozily, then groaned quietly.

"Wait, now there's only three of you," said Harry, then he frowned.  "That doesn't work…." He blinked again, slower this time.

"Oh, good, now there's two," he said, relieved.

"No, that's not good.  George went outside to find Ron," said Fred, sounding worried.  Harry frowned, puzzled.  Then George came back inside.

"Oh, now it's right!" Harry declared.  Then Ron entered the room.

"AAHHHHH!!!  There's three and they DON'T LOOK THE SAME!!!" screamed Harry before passing out.

"Okay, he obviously hit his head harder than we thought," said Hermione, who'd been standing with Harry in the otherwise empty room all along.

*

Harry came to with an aching head and a desperate need to use the toilet.  He reached out and somehow found his glasses (even though he had no idea they were there) and pulled them on.  Then he looked around the room.  It appeared he was back in the Infirmary.  Again.  Harry turned to look beside his bed.

"Whoa, I'm seeing double…and I have deja vu," said Harry.  He decided not to try to rub his eyes this time.

"Umm…we're twins," said the Weasley twins, frowning at each other.

"Haven't we done this already?" asked Harry, eying the room suspiciously.  It just looked back in confusion.

"No…" said the quads slowly, frowning hard at him.

"Oh…okay then," Harry replied, cheering up immediately.

"Are you alright?  You hit your head pretty hard…" said one of them.

"Yeah, I think so," replied Harry to his bedside table.  It smiled back at him, so he waved at it joyously.

"Dude, we're over here," said the quads from all corners of the room.  Harry blinked hard, and suddenly the room came back into focus.  There were only two twins.  He sighed in relief.

"Are you both there?" he asked warily.

"Ya," said Interchangeable Weasley Twin.

"Good-oh," said Harry.

They talked for a while about their last Quidditch match, and then suddenly the Weasley Twins stopped and grinned evilly to each other.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking B-1?" asked one twin (I can't be bothered figuring out which one.)

"Yeah, that we're not bananas!" yelled the other, then grinned at the room in general and Harry in particular. There was a sound of a drum loop followed by a crashing cymbal.  Harry cringed- the joke really was awful.

"Ha ha ha!!!  Anyway, that's true, but not what I was thinking…what I was thinking was…"said one.

"That we should play a joke on Ron and Hermione," finished the other.

"Dude," said Harry.  "That was freaky."  

"Drip drip," said the tap, which everyone ignored.  Poor tap.

"Yeah, anyway, what we've gotta do is…"

_whisper whisper whisper…_

A few minutes later Fred and George left the infirmary and grinned at Ron and Hermione, who were standing in the hall.

"You can go in now," they said, struggling, and failing, to dampen the demonic glint in their eyes.

***In the infirmary, continued***

Hermione and Ron walked cautiously into the room and approached Harry hesitantly.  Harry turned to them, and the briefest hint of recognition shone in his eyes…only to be covered up so quickly by confusion that Hermione wasn't sure it had been there to start with.

"ARRRRRRRRRGH!!!" screamed Harry (like a girl).  "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"  Hermione and Ron glanced at each other, worried.  Hermione was pretty sure that he hadn't recognised them now.

"We're your friends…you know, your friends," she ventured anxiously, looking at him intently.  Almost as if…she could wish Harry better.  And who knows, she's a witch, it could happen…

"I have friends?" asked Harry, with an expression somewhat reminiscent of Lockhart's at the end of their second year. (The wish obviously didn't work.) 

"Yeah, two of 'em," Ron replied, cheerfully.  Harry looked dejected.

"Only two?  Why doesn't anyone like me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?" he wailed, his face distraught.

"Err…we'll be right back," said Hermione as they backed slowly out of the room.  Suddenly she turned and sprinted. Ron followed.  Harry stared after them, then began to talk to his feet.

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Authors' Notes:  What did you think?  Should we continue?  Well, if you don't TOUGH!!  We're going to anyway.  If you read all the way through the first chapter you get a cookie.  If you reviewed you get an entire box of cookies and a sports car.   (Note: these are virtual sports cars and cookies, only exist in the land of fanficdom). 


	2. Decisions

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter 2

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_Previously, in 'Amnesia Amigoes': __ Harry woke up in the infirmary, screamed a bit, passed out and woke up again.  Ron and Hermione notice that Harry is acting supremely strange._

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***Outside the Infirmary***

Hermione ran up to the quads…oops, I mean twins.

"Did Harry seem…different…to you when you visited?" she asked anxiously.  Fred frowned.

"Nope…I mean, he normally talks to people who aren't there and has his eyes pointing in three different directions…oh, and everyone's neck can turn 360 degrees if they practice," he cracked.  Hermione slapped him, causing a big red hand mark to appear on his face, thus making it much easier to tell the twins apart in future.

"I'm serious!" she yelled shrilly.  Fred's (or is he George?  And I've been calling him Fred all this time, how embarrassing…) eardrum exploded, blowing off half his head.  Now it's REALLY easy to tell them apart.

"Okay, I'll ask Madam Pomfrey," said Hermione, frowning at the mess that had once been George…or Fred.  She stepped over it, careful not to get any on her robes.  

"Drip drip," said the tap mournfully.

"Right," said Hermione, then pretended she hadn't heard anything.  Poor tap.

__

***In the common room, later***

Hermione looked at Ron earnestly when she returned from the infirmary.  Ron cocked his head sideways and grinned blankly at her, which just infuriated Hermione.  Her eyebrows furrowed, and Ron looked taken-aback.  He adjusted his face to a properly concerned expression.

"Madam Pomfrey says Harry may have amnesia," she said in an annoying voice.  Well, one that was more annoying than usual anyway.  Which is really saying something…

"What?  Your voice is so annoying I tuned out," said Ron.  Hermione slapped him, fracturing his jaw in several places (Alaska, Norway, Italy…just to name a few.)

Ron miraculously recovered in 0.3241651654651354654654613546546984654968 seconds.  Hermione told him again that Harry had amnesia.  Right after she said it there was a flash of lightning, a boom of thunder and all the flames in the castle blew out. However, Ron didn't believe Hermione until he saw Harry asking the fat pink lady if her name was Harry too.

"Is your name Harry?" Harry asked.  The fat pink lady glared.

"That is not the password," she declared.  Harry frowned.

"Password?" he asked, confused.  (He was dearly enjoying this.)

"You may enter," the fat lady intoned.

"Password is the password?" Harry asked, baffled.  

"Don't say it too loud!" the fat lady hissed, looking anxiously around her. People all along the corridor suddenly turned and stared at Harry and the Fat Pink Lady, then turned and grinned evilly at the people they were standing next to. Or was that just Harry's imagination?  He looked abashed.

"Oh…sorry," he whispered.  He winked conspirationally and stepped through the portrait hole.

"Drip drip," said the tap anxiously, but it was too late.  Harry was already gone.  Poor tap.

Harry walked into the common room and sat down heavily on a winged armchair. The armchair flew up a bit and started hovering about the common room. While this was happening, Harry stared at his hands, like he'd never seen them before.  The hands looked back invitingly.

"What's your name?" Harry asked his left hand.  It smiled at him.

"Bob," it said, winking.  Harry grinned at it, then turned to his other hand.

"And you?" he asked his right hand.  It winked too, and Harry looked delighted.  He winked back.

"boB," it said.  Harry nodded seriously.

"Pleased to meet you Bob and boB," he declared proudly, then shook his hands together.  Ron watched on, shaking his head.  Then an evil glint appeared in his eye.

"I know what we can do…" he said to Hermione.  Hermione looked up from the book she was reading ('_A Highly Biased and Selective History of Hogwarts, which Glosses Over the Nastier Aspects of the School - several long-winded, annoying and basically VERY Hermione letters to the editor of Hogwarts; a History had resulted in the title being changed.)_

"Our homework?" Hermione asked, excited.  She always enjoyed a good, long bit of homework.  In her opinion there was nothing more relaxing…for some reason, not many people agreed with her.  I wonder why…?

"No, play tricks on Harry," he said, sounding disgusted by her suggestion.  Hermione looked disappointed, but recovered quickly.

"…Oh.  Okay then," she agreed, closing the book and dumping it on the table.  Later it would be picked up by house-elves, launching another attempt at a campaign to change their status…but that's another story.

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**Authors' Notes:Does anyone want to know the story of Hermione's repeated campaign to change the house-elves status?  It can be done… **

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Clincally Depressed Draco makes an Entra...

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter THREE

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_Previously in 'Amnesia Amigoes': __Hermione spoke with one of the Weasley twins and blew off half his head.  She and Ron discover that Harry may be suffering amnesia.  Harry discovers the password to the Gryffindor common room and introduces himself to his hands.  Hermione and Ron decide to play tricks on Harry.  Oh, and Hogwarts; a History had a title change._

***Outside the Charms Classroom***

"Hey Harry?" Hermione called from the Charms corridor.  She waved madly at him, looking like a right retard.  Which was pretty normal for Hermione.

"Who?" asked Harry.  He turned to a nearby person.  "Is your name Harry?" he asked loudly, staring at something just over the person's left shoulder blankly.

"Whatever dude," they said, and then ran off, glancing nervously backward every few meters.

"Your name's Harry, Harry," said Hermione in her I'm-talking-to-morons voice.  She used it a lot around people like Draco Malfoy…and Hagrid.  He may be a lovely person, but he was no genius.

"Oh…I get it.  I'm Harry," said Harry in a voice of dawning realization.  He grinned broadly at that same space, then nodded as if it had said something. 

"Yeah," said Hermione, relieved.  Harry frowned down at the books in her hands, then at the ones in his own hands.  He shrugged and dropped them on the floor.  One of the books rolled away from the others, revealing the title.  ('_Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'- hey, the Harry Potter books appeal to everyone)_

"Cool…I have a name.  Bob, boB, I'm Harry," he said to his hands as he turned to leave.  Hermione stopped him with a hand on his arm, and smiled.

"That's good Harry," she said reassuringly, nodding. Harry stared at her, and then suddenly burst into tears.  Hermione jumped.

"Can you tell me bout myself? I don't know anything about myself! You can't understand what it's like not knowing who you are!!" Harry wailed desperately, a puddle of tears forming on the floor in front of him. (The wall stared back unhelpfully.)

"Yes, well, umm… I'm your girlfriend… Yes, your girlfriend… and um… you like to buy me everything I want," replied Hermione, shifting on her feet and looking at the floor.  She backed away from the water warily.

"Oh…" said Harry, who stopped crying immediately. He stuck his tounge out and looked thoughtful. "What do you want?" he asked, kicking the water around playfully. (It was a bloody big puddle.)

"Umm…. a Ferrari?" Hermione ventured, and then bent down to pick up Harry's books before Harry could splash them.  

"Okay," said Harry cheerfully, nodding and stomping on the puddle.  The bottoms of his trousers were now thoroughly damp.  "Get me an order form and it's all yours."

"Here," said Hermione, handing him the books…and a Ferrari order form that she just happened to be carrying around in her pocket.  Harry signed it with a flourish and handed it back to her.

"There you go, one Ferrari coming up," he said, smiling at her in a way he hoped was roguish and not just pitiful.  Hermione frowned.  Seems like his smile failed.  Harry settled for jumping as hard as he could into the puddle.  Hermione backed away just in time to avoid being drenched from head to foot.  Oliver Wood, Ginny Weasley, Cho Chang, and just about everyone else in a 2 mile radius of Harry and the puddle weren't quite as lucky.  Hermione walked back towards Harry once it seemed like he was finished.

"I want a diamond ring, a mansion and a holiday home in Majorca," she said, getting caught up in the moment.  She waited anxiously for Harry's response.  Harry spun around in a circle, spraying water everywhere.  Hermione frowned at her socks- they were saturated.

"Anything you want, I will get you." declared Harry proudly.  He started to walk away again when he remembered something.

" Was there any special name I called you?" Harry asked, his face earnest.

"Well... You always call me your little princess. And you also used to call me your special pumpkin pastie. You said I was sweeter than the sweetest sugar quill you ever saw. You said..." 

"Ummm.... I was actually asking that tap over there," Harry said, anxiously.  He waved at the tap.

"Drip drip," said the tap, grinning.  Someone had finally noticed it!

"Oh" said Hermione, sounding rejected. She glared at the tap jealously, then pouted and looked at Harry with puppy dog eyes.

_"God she looks like a retard!"_ thought Harry.

"But... I'm sure ...I can still call you all of those things... my...little...umm.... princess." Harry said, shuddering inwardly.

"That's great Harry!!!!" said Hermione shrilly.  Harry stared blankly at a wall for a moment and vaguely, before turning and running as fast as he could for the nearest bathroom.  Hermione stared after him, shrugged her shoulders, then happily turned and skipped joyfully back to the common room.  Today was a great day.  Harry thought she was his girlfriend, and was willing to buy her anything money could buy. What better way to finish off a perfect day than by doing her charms homework?

** * 2.52621654165 seconds ago, near where Harry and Hermione had just been standing***

Draco Malfoy was skipping happily through the castle, singing about rainbows and butterflies, when he heard some voices. _"Who is that, talking inside the castle on such a beautiful day? Why aren't they outside, enjoying the sunshine?" he thought cheerfully. He paused, listening._

"...Still call you all of those things... my...little...umm.... princess." 

Malfoy, stopped skipping, and dropped the bunch of flowers he was holding in shock. That was Potter!

"... great Harry!!!!" 

Malfoy's eyes widened, giving him the look of one of Santa's very distorted elves. (The kind you see in cartoons.) That was Hermione Granger, the secret love of his life! She was in love with Harry Potter!

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_**

Malfoy screamed, falling to the floor. He started banging his head against the cold stone, crying, moaning, whinging, complaining...you get the picture.

"Why doesn't she like me?!?!?!?! I did everything for her! I acted the part of the bad guy, even got myself sorted into the house full of evil people, insulted her and her friends at every opportunity and all so that one day she would fall in love with my nasty character, and I could whisk her away into the night, like it happens in all of the movies! But now that will never happen, because of Harry Potter, the hero of our lives!  It's not FAIR!!! Why can't I have a fairy tale ending?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can she not like me?!?!?!?!?!  WHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he cried, sobbing into his hands.  A lot of people stared at him, then ducked into classrooms for no apparent reason.

Draco summoned his remaining strength, and crawled, sobbing, to the window that 'just happened' to be right in front of him. He pulled himself to his feet, dragged himself onto the window ledge, stood up, and flung his arms to the heavens above (a la "Titanic").  People backed into the corridor cautiously, believing it to be safe again.

"This is it... The end... They can't say I didn't try... " he whispered to himself.  He took a shaky breath, and looked around…and down.  It was a long way- certain to kill him.  Draco took a deep breath.

"Goodbye, cruel world!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.  The corridor (that had been quite full again) suddenly emptied.

He rocked to and fro for a moment, before leaning forward and throwing himself into the depths of the sky. 

Falling, falling, falling...

**Authors' Notes:** Will Draco survive?  Find out next time in 'Amnesia Amigoes'!


	4. Stuff Happens

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter FOUR

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_Previously, in 'Amnesia Amigos'__: Hermione "convinced" Harry that she was his girlfriend.  Draco Malfoy overhears, and is devastated that the love of his life (Hermione) loves another.  Overcome by grief, he throws himself out of a window.  Will he survive?_

***In Mid-Air***

Luckily for Draco, there was a delivery truck full of marshmallows packed right in his direction of... flight? Falling with style?  He fell into it, and somehow managed not to die. Professor Dumbledore came running out of the castle, devastated that all of those marshmallows would now have to be thrown out. So Malfoy was given weeks worth of detentions, and 5023 points were taken from Slytherin, because of Malfoy's selfish act of destroying all those marshmallows.  

***In the Common Room***

" It's amazing Ron, he believed everything!!! This amnesia stuff is great!!!"  Hermione yelled, dancing on her chair.  Ron didn't seem to believe her, and he frowned ferociously at the Rubik's Cube Hermione had given him for Christmas.  After the initial idea, he had started to worry that maybe taking advantage of Harry wasn't a nice thing to do.  He gave the cube a turn, then frowned at it some more.  The colour must change when you're not looking, he decided.  Stupid muggle piece of crap.

" How do we know he isn't just putting it on?" he asked, looking around anxiously for the person in question.  He needn't have bothered; Harry was outside reacquainting himself with a pair of Bludgers.  It was a rather…interesting…scene, judging by the large crowd that had gathered around him.

"Why do you care? It was your idea." Hermione replied, still jumping around.  Ron looked at her suspiciously.  Hermione returned the look, and she was much better at it. 

"I know, but..." Ron glared at the cube.  "How on earth are you meant to do this thing anyway?" he asked plaintively, waving the cube around at the common room in general.  Everyone present turned, shrugged and went back to what they were doing.

"Would Harry buy me a Ferrari, a diamond ring, a mansion, a holiday home in Majorca, and a trip to the moon if he hadn't have lost his memory?" Hermione continued, as if explaining to a two year old that two plus two was three.... four. 

"Maybe he'll buy me the Chudley Cannons Quidditch team!" yelled Ron, excited. Then he came back to his senses.  Harry couldn't possibly have _that_ much money…could he?  An evil glint of an idea began to form, but a small part of him quashed it.  After all, what happened after Harry recovered?

"I just don't think it's right, making him spend all his money on us just because he doesn't know who he is.  After all, he probably wouldn't have all of that money if his parents hadn't of been killed by He Who Must Not Be Named..." Ron trailed off.  Then the light bulb went on in his head.  Literally.  He turned and glared at a group of first year students.  The light bulb vanished- after all, it was an extremely juvenile prank.

"What are you thinking?" asked Hermione, curious by now.  Could this be more interesting than her Transfiguration homework?  It would be close, but it could be done…

"Nothing... Let's just say that I am willing to go along with fooling Harry," Ron replied deviously.  He twisted the cube one last time, growled and threw it onto the floor where it rolled under the couch.  He grinned. 

"**_SHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! HE'S COMING!!!!!!!!!!  _**"Hermione yelled in her shrillest voice.  Somewhere on Mars, a glass shattered.  Harry, however, didn't seem to notice.  He climbed into the portrait hole with the same vacant expression he'd been wearing for the past few days.  Ron jumped up, and steered Harry away from the first year girls he was about to sit with.  He didn't want his best friend with immature youngsters like them.  Who knew what kind of lame pranks they would come up with next?

"You sit over here with us, Harry." Ron said kindly.  Harry shrugged and moved to sit with Hermione and Ron, but not without some backward glances.  The girls giggled and whispered to each behind their hands.  Harry tried his roguish smile again.  It failed again- one of the girls slapped him and they all left the room.

"_What are you going to do? _" Hermione mouthed quite openly and obviously to Ron.  Ron shook his head, trying to shut her up.

"NOT NOW!!!!" he said. Harry, who had been smiling blissfully throughout this, suddenly pulled Hermione's hair.  She screamed.

"He he, loud noise!" exclaimed Harry, moving to do it again. (I've always wanted to do that, he thought to himself.)

"No, Harry, we don't pull Hermione's hair.  Let's go for a walk, shall we?  That way I can tell you about myself.  After all, I am your best friend." Ron said convincingly.  Harry smiled, and let Ron pull him out of the common room.  On the way, he winked at Fred and George, who turned to each other and grinned.  Hermione sighed, then absently pulled the Rubik's cube out and solved it in about 5 seconds. She didn't hear the sounds of heartbreaking sobs drifting through the open portrait hole and into the common room.

**Authors' Notes:** What will Ron tell Harry?  Will Draco recover or wallow in self-pity?  Find out next time on 'Amnesia Amigoes'!

By the way, THANKS for all the reviews, they're great.

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	5. Stories are fun

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter FIVE

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_Previously on 'Amnesia Amigoes':__ Draco survived the plummet from the window, but destroyed a trunkful of marshmallows in the process.  Ron decided that Rubik's Cubes were evil, Harry pulled Hermione's hair, and Ron took Harry for a walk outside._

__

***In the School Grounds***

Harry and Ron were walking through the school grounds, with Harry getting distracted every five minutes by a passing bird, ant or elephant.  Ron was thinking of the best way to tell Harry the story of You-Know-Who.  He decided to do it as a fairy tale.  Who didn't like a good story?

"Harry, do you want to hear a story?"  Ron asked excitedly, clapping his hands together.

_'Patronizing git,'_ thought Harry angrily.

"Yes!! A story!!! I love stories!!!" he yelled, trying not to grimace.

" Okay, I'll tell you one, but first you have to come down from that tree."  Harry scrambled quickly out of the branches of the Whomping Willow with minimal fuss.  He didn't really like it up there; the branches seemed to be glaring at him rather menacingly.

"Now do I get my story?"  Harry asked cheerfully, dancing around on the spot once he was safely on the ground. 

"Yes," started Ron.  " Once upon a time there was an evil, evil wizard.  Everyone was scared of him, because he was very mean.  His name was...He Who Must Not Be Named."

Harry blinked up at Ron, smiling vacantly.  Ron decided to continue with the story, seeing as it was obvious he wasn't going to get the reactions he wanted.

"Anyway, He Who Must Not Be Named liked to kill people.  He went around to everyone he didn't like and he killed them.  This is why nobody liked him, except for his followers.  The followers were called Death Eaters, and they killed people, too.  Nobody lived once He Who Must Not Be Named decided to kill him or her, except for one boy.  This boy became known as the Boy Who Lived, and his name was... Ron Weasley!"

Harry tried desperately not to laugh, or maybe just to keep a relatively straight face.

"Wow!!!" said Harry, eyes wide. "That's you!"  

"Yes, I know.  I am the hero of the modern world.  You should worship me, because it is because of me that life is as good as it is,"  Ron declared proudly.  Harry frowned fiercely for a moment, then shrugged.  He obediently got down on his knees, and started worshipping him.

"Oh, great Ron, I am not worthy!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.  "I'M NOT WORTHY…LET ME LICK YOUR SHOES CLEAN, OH GREAT MASTER.  THERE IS NONE GREATER THAN YOU, YOUR MIGHTINESS!"  

"Not here!" Ron hissed, staring around anxiously.  Everyone was staring at them, which was hardly surprising giving the show they were putting on.  "Wait till we get to the common room, then you can worship me as much as you like."

"Okay." Harry and Ron walked back to the castle together, Ron feeling very pleased with himself.   '_I can't believe how well that worked!_' Ron thought to himself. '_He really doesn't have a clue._' **__**

_'What a wanker,'_ thought Harry.  _'I can't believe I'm going along with this…'_

**__**__

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***Somewhere in the castle grounds***

Draco Malfoy stumbled across the vast lawn of Hogwarts school, not really sure of where he was going. He was devastated that Hermione didn't like him, that she liked Harry Potter. And most of all, Malfoy hated the way that not only had his attempt to kill himself failed, but no-one had given him any attention for it!

"So much for a cry for help," he muttered, sounding very cranky. (Hey, if no one cared that you jumped off a building, wouldn't you be feeling a little annoyed?) 

"I almost died, and Hermione still doesn't want me. How unfair is that? It's that stupid Potter, everyone likes him. Just because he got hit on the head and he lost his memory, everyone thinks he's so brilliant."  Malfoy started mimicking the way people talked to Harry.

"_Oh, oh, Harry! Oh, Harry you're my hero! Harry, can I have the honour of carrying your bag? Can I get you anything Harry? Are you cold? Are you tired? Do you need anything?"_

"Dickhead," he said out loud. Unfortunately for him, Hagrid 'just happened' to be walking past as he said that.

"What was that?!!!! Did you call me a dickhead?!!!! I'll get you for that, you ugly, filthy, disgusting, stupid, retarded, monged-up piece of shit!!!!!!!!!!" Hagrid roared, finally showing his true giant side.  

"No!!!! I didn't mean you! I meant Harry Potter-"

"So you were insulting my friend then, were you?! How dare you!!!! Harry Potter is one of the greatest people the world has ever known, you ungrateful little bastard!" Hagrid was really furious.

"You don't understand, Harry is going out with Hermione Granger, and I love her!!!! I-"

"DON"T YOU DARE GO ANYWHERE NEAR HERMIONE! IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU'VE HURT HER, I WILL SMASH YOUR HEAD INTO A BRICK WALL, AND MAKE YOU SO UGLY THAT NO-ONE WILL EVER LIKE YOU!!!"

"But I...!"

"THAT'S IT!!!! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!!!"

Hagrid picked up Malfoy by his throat, swung him around his head precisely 3.527 times, and threw him. Malfoy flew half way across the castle grounds, and landed in the Whomping Willow. The tree then proceeded to throw him around for a bit, so Malfoy was off flying again. This time he landed in the lake. He thought he was safe there, but then the Giant Squid pulled him into the depths of the lake. Hagrid thought this was the end so went back of to his little hut thing, whistling cheerfully.

He didn't see Malfoy crawl out of the lake, gasping for air. Malfoy ran as fast as he could up to the castle, wanting to get to his common room before anything bad could happen. He thought he had made it.

Then he saw Filch, who 'just happened' to be standing in front of the entrance to the Slytherin common room. Filch was very angry that Malfoy was walking through the castle when he was all wet, so he dragged him off to the dungeons, where he had a vast number of chains waiting for him.  Filch was dancing in delight as he hung Malfoy from the dungeon roof by his toes.  

"Always look on the bright side of life…" Malfoy sang mournfully to himself, then burst into tears again.  Filch danced out of the dungeon, humming to himself under his breath.

**Authors' Notes:** Will Draco ever escape from the dungeons?  What will Hermione say when she finds out Ron's version of history?  All to be revealed later in 'Amnesia Amigoes'!


	6. A Good SingaLong

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter SIX

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_Previously in 'Amnesia Amigoes': __Ron re-wrote history, making himself hero of the modern world.  Harry worshipped Ron.  Draco complained about how everyone dotes over Harry a little too loudly, was overheard by Hagrid, thrown into the Whomping Willow, then the lake and finally chained up in the dungeon for dripping water in the castle._

***In the Entrance Hall***

Argus Filch was walking up to the entrance hall from the dungeons, grinning broadly. He was finally allowed to use the chains!!!!!  Today was a happy day indeed. Nothing worried him, not even the fact that Harry Potter, the boy who lived, was currently throwing mud around the place. Ron and Hermione were trying to stop him, it was all good. Nothing could possibly spoil his mood. Suddenly, music started to play...

"Do you hear that?" Ron asked Hermione, letting go off Harry's arm.  Harry swung it in a big circle, spraying mud along the walls.  He giggled loudly.

"Yeah, it's music... I think it's getting louder..." she replied, struggling to keep Harry still. And indeed it was. They looked around the hall, and saw a very peculiar sight.  Well, Ron and Hermione did.  Harry took the opportunity to smash a handful of mud into Hermione's hair.  He snickered loudly and jumped up and down.

Filch was all of a sudden wearing a tutu, complete with a diamond-set tiara on his head. He took a pose, with Ron, Hermione and even Harry staring at him. This made Ron and Hermione happy; it wasn't quite so hard to control Harry now. The music continued to grow ever louder, until...

"The hills are alive!!!! With the sound of music!!!!!" sang Filch joyously, dancing.

"With songs they have sung!!!!! For a thousand years!!!!!! The hills fill my heart!!!! With the sound of music!!!!!!" He paused with the music to perform a stunning arabesque.  "My heart wants to sing every song it hears!!!"

"Every song that it hears!" sang Hermione and Ron in perfect harmony, swaying in time with the music. (Hey, who doesn't like a good sing-a-long?)  Harry began to tap dance, spraying more mud around the hall.

At that moment, Snape appeared, wearing an outfit matching Filch's, to join in the song.  He leaped into the room, performed several pirouettes then landed with his feet in fourth position.  

"My heart wants to beat like the wings of the bird that flies from the lake to the trees!!!" he sang, leaning back and spreading his arms wide.

"To the trees!!" chorused Ron and Hermione. Harry grinned around stupidly, then jumped into a pile of the mud that 'just happened' to be in the Entrance Hall, spraying it up the legs of his trousers.

"My heart wants to sigh like the chimes that fly!!!!! From a church on a breeze!!!!" added Filch, swaying on the spot and clicking his fingers.

"To laugh like a brook as it trips and falls over stones, on it's way!!!!" belted out Snape while he waltzed with the Bloody Baron.

"On it's way!!!!" Harry joined in this time, although it wasn't quite as tuneful.

"To sing through the night!!!!!! Like a lark that is learning to pray!!!!!!" Snape and Filch sang in harmony.

"Ohhhhh I roam to the hills!!!!!" came the booming voice of Hagrid, dancing into the hall. He was also wearing a tutu, except he had opted for a crown of pretty pink roses, rather than a tiara. (After all, he is a man of nature.)  Several girls swooned.

"When my heart is lonely!!!" all three sang in perfect harmony. "I know I will hear, what I've heard before!!!!"

Ron, Hermione and Harry starting singing the backing vocals to the finale into three microphones that had just appeared out of nowhere, Harry in the centre.  A spotlight shone on them, and Ron and Harry were suddenly wearing tuxedos, Hermione an evening gown.

"Ooooooooooh, Ooooooooooooooooh!!!" they sang, Harry's mud completely forgotten.

"My heart will be blessed !!!!!! With the sound of music!!!!!!!" Snape, Filch and Hagrid sang beautifully.

"And I'll sing!!!!!" they continued, still in perfect harmony.

"Sing!!!!" came the backing vocalists, Harry's inability to carry a tune adding dissonance.

"Once!!!!!!"

"Once!!!!!!"

"More!!!!!!!" finished Hagrid, Snape and Filch.

"La! La la la!!!!" Ron and Hermione sang, shoving Harry out of the way and leaning on each other, swaying like drunken louts.

"Doo doo, yeah!" Harry finished complete with spirit fingers (a la "Bring It On"), and then applauded madly. So did the rest of the school, who had arrived just in time to hear the entire rendition of the famous song.

"Ummm... yes, well... Detention to all of you!!!!" yelled Snape, thoroughly embarrassed.  He glanced down at his tutu and, blushing fiercely, began tearing it to shreds.

"I'll get the chains!!" added Filch helpfully. Hagrid had already left, growling menacingly at anyone who approached him.

"Well, you can't say nothing interesting ever happens here!" Ron said, as he snapped his fingers and spun around in a circle, causing his clothes to change back to school robes. Harry's and Hermione's clothes also changed. Hermione merely shrugged, then she and Ron grabbed Harry and starting dragging him towards the common room.  Harry struggled valiantly, knocking over several suits of armour in the process.  Finally Ron grabbed one of the armour helmets and crashed it over Harry's head, knocking him unconscious. They were then able to drag him along the floor up to the common room quite easily.

**Authors' Notes:** Will there be another sing-a-long?  Will you find out about Draco's fate?  Find out next, in 'Amnesia Amigoes'!


	7. Chapter7

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter SEVEN

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_Previously in 'Amnesia Amigoes': __Filch, Snape and Hagrid performed the Sound of Music, with Harry Hermione and Ron as backing vocalists, everyone was given detention and Ron knocked Harry unconscious. _

***Dinner in the Great Hall***

The day was finally drawing to a close, and it was time for dinner. It was spaghetti bolognaise night!!!  Ron and Hermione struggled to drag Harry down to the Great Hall in time, but it was somewhat difficult as Harry kept getting distracted.  

"No Harry, not that way," Hermione said through gritted teeth for the 7th time, as she tried to drag Harry away from yet another girl's bathroom.  But it was too late.  They'd been noticed…

"Not that way?!  Don't go that way, cos Myrtle's down there?!" came a voice from inside the bathroom.  Myrtle's head appeared through the door.  (Not the doorway, the door itself.)  Harry jumped, and then giggled madly.  He reached out and poked a finger through Myrtle's eye.

"He he, it goes right through!" he exclaimed, poking Myrtle again and again.  Ron looked at Myrtle's darkening face and backed away slowly.

"Harry?  I don't think you should do that…" he started.  Harry just turned and frowned at him. 

Myrtle started to look very cranky.

Ron shifted uncomfortably.

"Why?" Harry asked, still poking Myrtle.

"Cos Myrtle's a bit…touchy…" Ron said.  Myrtle glared at Ron, thoroughly pissed off.

"Myrtle's a bit TOUCHY is she?!!! Well, wouldn't YOU get a bit irritated by someone constantly poking their finger through your eye?!!! Just because I'm dead, people think it's funny to throw things through me and poke things through me, because I can't FEEL it!!!!! WELL IT ISN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have feelings too, even though I'm DEAD!!!!!!!!!! Just wait till YOU die, and YOU become a ghost, and people try to poke their fingers through YOUR eyes!!!! See if you think it's funny then!!!! See if people say YOU'RE a BIT TOUCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed, then pulled her head back through the door. 

Harry started laughing hysterically at this outburst. Hermione grabbed his arm and dragged him away from the door, Ron following on their heels. As they ran, they could hear Myrtle pulling her bathroom to pieces, still complaining about the lack of respect for the dead. This made Ron and Hermione try to run faster, but Harry kept giggling and trying to shove his own head through walls.  Finally (after about 20 minutes) they reached the moving staircases.

"WOW!!" yelled Harry, causing many people (who had already finished dinner) to stare.

"They're only staircases," Hermione said impatiently, looking around.  "Albeit staircases that move, but still…" Harry merely stood where he was, his mouth hanging open.  He started to drool.  Ron looked over at him, and then snatched his arm. Harry retaliated by trying to put his finger through Ron's eye.

"The Great Hall is _this_ way Harry," he said, his eyes watering like mad, and his face contorted with agony. He started dragging a stumbling Harry up a set of stairs. When they were halfway up the staircase, it started to move. Ron and Hermione stood still, and waited for the movement to stop. Harry, on the other hand, stood looking shocked for a moment, then starting jumping up and down, clawing Ron's face and pulling at Hermione's hair.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. He lay down, and started rolling around with his fingers in his ears, screaming.

Ron and Hermione struggled to subdue him.

"Calm down, it's only a moving staircase!!! It happens all the time here!!" Ron said, trying frantically to hold Harry still.  Then, the staircase stopped moving. Harry got up, and started walking down the stairs. Ron and Hermione grabbed him, and began pulling him back up the right way. Harry fought back as though his life depended on it, though he wasn't quite as strong as the other two combined. Eventually the three got to the top of the staircase, Ron and Hermione sporting a fair few injuries. They continued on their journey to the Great Hall.

 They ran down several hallways, dragging Harry, and eventually they reached the Great Hall, amazingly, in one piece.  Harry headed straight for the Slytherin table.  Hermione and Ron exchanged Looks, and then grabbed Harry.

"No Harry, that's the Slytherin table.  We don't sit there," Hermione explained, sounding rather annoyed.  Draco looked up at the sound of her voice, and then burst into tears again.

"There she is, the love of my life, completely oblivious to my affections!" he cried into his hands.  "She won't even sit with me, I'm so far below her!  Why can't she see how I feel?!  WHY?!!!"  The Slytherins all pretended that nothing was happening. He then noticed the scratch marks on her face, and the large bruise around her eye.

"Oh my God!!! She's hurt!!!!!! That Potter hurt her!!! Ohh, it's okay, Hermione my sweet love, I won't let him do it again!" Most of the Slytherins all finished dinner at that moment, and left the table, leaving Draco Malfoy to his miserable self.

 Meanwhile Harry, Ron and Hermione had finally managed to seat themselves at the Gryffindor table, across from Fred and George.

"How's it going Harry?" asked George, winking.  

"Yeah Harry, how's it going?" Fred repeated, also winking.  Harry ignored him, plunged his hands into the bowl of spaghetti bolognaise in front of him and squelched them around a bit.

"Squishy…" he said, pulling his hand out of the bowl and letting the sauce slide down his fingers.  Hermione reached over to pull his hands away, and got a handful of bolognaise in her face for her troubles.  She glared at Harry, spluttering and pulling bits of spaghetti out of her eyes. Harry took this as his chance to put some sauce in Ron's ears. Draco watched from the other side of the room. 

"How can she _stand_ him?!" he asked loudly.  The two Slytherins that remained at the table glanced at each other, and then ignored Draco again.  "He throws food in her face, and she just smiles at him.  _'Oh, are you okay Harry?  Don't you like the food Harry?  Let me get you some more.  It's okay, I don't mind if you throw your dinner in my face,'" mimicked Draco, then quickly looked up at the teacher's table to make sure Hagrid hadn't heard. He had, and was glaring at him._

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MAKING FUN OF MY FRIENDS, YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE TURD?  I'LL KILL YOU!!!" boomed Hagrid before grabbing Draco by the ankles and throwing him onto the chandelier. Everyone else in the hall calmly continued with his or her food.   "YOU WAIT THERE UNTIL MR. FILCH IS FINISHED HIS DINNER SO HE CAN CHAIN YOU UP PROPERLY!!!!" Hagrid finished, and then calmly resumed eating his dinner.  Draco hung upside down, sobbing until the people below him yelled at him to shut up.  (His tears were getting into their food, and he was drooling.)

Harry eyed his spaghetti, blissfully unaware of Draco hanging suspended 2 meters above him.  He grinned evilly at Ron, who shifted away suspiciously.

"What are you doing?" he asked.  Harry smiled angelically, and then crashed his bowl over Ron's head. The bowl smashed. Then, giggling maniacally, Harry jumped up onto the table and began to sing, "We are the Champions" (complete with a vigorous tap-dance routine - it didn't quite match the music) until Professor McGonagall intervened. She told off all the Gryffindors for not controlling Harry, and then bribed the prankster off of the table with a bowl of mud. Once off the table, Harry started to conduct an imaginary orchestra with his wand. Professor McGonagall then escorted him up to the hospital wing in 'magic robes' (ie. a straight jacket).  Fred and George gave each other discreet high fives.

****

**Authors' Notes:**  Will Ron and Hermione ever forgive Harry?  Will someone ever let Draco off the chandelier?  Find out next time in 'Amnesia Amigoes'!


	8. Chapter8

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter EIGHT

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_Previously on 'Amnesia Amigoes':__ Harry met (and annoyed) Moaning Myrtle, freaked out on the moving staircases and made it to the Great Hall in time for spaghetti bolognaise night.  Draco complained about Harry too loudly again, and was hung by the chandelier for his troubles.  Harry shared his food with his friends._

***Divination class***

It was a beautiful, clear Monday morning, and Harry and Ron were sitting through a Divination lesson. (Harry had been released from the hospital wing under a promise that he would try to behave himself.  A promise, which he conveniently forgot.)  Today, they were being taught how to predict the future using rice. Ron didn't believe that it could be done. Rice couldn't show the future anymore than last night's spaghetti bolognaise could, in his opinion.  He shuddered at the memory of the spaghetti, reaching up to check his hair again.

"Remember, the pattern in which the rice falls determines the prediction," Professor Trelawney reminded them in a misty voice. "And don't disrupt the rice once it has fallen, or else the prediction will be false."

Ron rolled his eyes, and threw his rice on the ground. He then stared at the tiny grains amazed, all of his disbelieving flying out of the window.  It couldn't be.  Not…money?  _This must work after all_, he thought. Ron looked closely, hardly daring to breathe in case he disrupted the rice.  Suddenly a hand came out of nowhere and messed up the rice thoroughly.

"Pretty!" yelled Harry as Ron glared at him.  He knew that he shouldn't be angry, it wasn't Harry's fault, but he couldn't help himself.  There went all his chances of finally having some money.  Professor Trelawney came over to them, upset by the sudden outburst.  Harry's eyes widened, and he grabbed some rice, threw it frantically on the floor and started screaming about death omens.  Much happier, the teacher walked over to where Neville had managed to stuff everything up again.  Ron eyed Harry suspiciously.

"_Oh crap,"_ thought Harry.  "_He suspects something…better act stupid quick."_

Harry grinned vacantly at Ron, then started jumping up and down on his pouffe, yelling nonsensical rubbish about purple pugs and upside-down candles.  Ron's suspicions faded, and he just sighed resignedly as he pulled Harry off the pouffe.  Harry just grinned broadly at him, then ate a handful of the rice. 

_"Note to self - never eat raw rice again," _Harry thought.__

***Potions***

After Divination, Harry and Ron headed towards the dungeons for Potions, where they met Hermione. She was grinning stupidly, and going on and on about how wonderful it was that she had so much Arithmancy homework. Ron ignored her, but Harry threw some of his rice at her, which he still had clenched in his fist. Hermione was about to say something, annoyed, when Professor Snape walked out of the classroom and called them all inside.****

 Once the lesson was well underway, Snape surveyed the class with his usual expression of there's-a-pole-up-my-arse-and-an-unpleasant-smell-under-my-nose-but-I won't-say-anything-just-yet.  He'd just asked a question, and so far no one was answering it.  Well, Hermione was waving her hand around in the air like a ninny, but there was no way he was calling on her.  He looked at Draco.

"Draco?  Can you answer it?" he asked.  Draco lifted his head off the desk, revealing his puffy-eyed, depressed expression to the world.

"It doesn't matter.  Nothing matters anymore. Why doesn't she like me?  What's wrong with me????" he yelled mournfully, shooting Hermione a Look and bursting into heart wrenching sobs. Hermione didn't notice.  All the Slytherins sighed and shifted away from Malfoy- he'd been going on like this for ages. They found it rather annoying. Snape frowned, then his eyes fell on Harry.  Harry smiled blankly at him while batting at Hermione's hand like a kitten.  She struggled not to slap him.

"Potter?" he asked dangerously.  Harry looked around comically.

"Who?" he asked.  His quill just shrugged. 

"Drip drip," said the tap.

Snape frowned.

"I asked you a question," he said in a silky voice.  Ron eyed Harry and Snape nervously.  Harry continued to stare back at Snape vacantly.

"My name is Harry, and they're Bob and boB," he suddenly announced, waving his hands at the class in turn.  Snape stared at him for a moment, then looked away…without taking any points away from Gryffindor!  Harry struggled to conceal his amazement.

"_I can't believe that actually worked,"_ thought Harry.  "_I'm going to try it in every potions lesson from now on."_

_"Hmmmmm... Maybe I'll pretend to lose my memory too..."_ thought Neville.

_"Oh shit, how does he know what I'm thinking?!!!!!!! Quick, act dopey!!"_ Harry crossed his eyes, stuck out his tongue, and leapt onto his desk.

"What are you doing, Potter?!!!!!!" yelled Snape, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"I'm not Potter, I'm Harry!!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Harry, running around pretending he was an aeroplane.   Harry had never realised just how fun pretending was, he'd never really done it before.  He jumped from table to table, spilling several cauldrons and getting footprints all over people's books, all while yelling "Yeeeeeeeeeehaw!" repeatedly.

"50 points from Gryffindor." said Snape silkily.  Draco stopped sobbing long enough to sneer at the Gryffindors, and then buried his face in his hands again, wailing wretchedly.

"_Shit,"_ thought Harry. _"I went too far."_  He stopped running around and sat back down, though kept mumbling "Yeeeeeeeeeehaw" under his breath.  Ron tried valiantly not to empty his cauldron over Harry's head.

The rest of the lesson went fairly well (Draco attempted to drown himself in his cauldron, so the lesson finished early…much to Hermione's dismay), and Harry was about to begin his next bout of mischief when he felt a hand grab him roughly on the arm.  Harry spun around to face Oliver Wood.

"I realize that you have amnesia, but we have a Quidditch match on Saturday and there's no reserve.  So you have to play anyway.  It's against Slytherin," Oliver told him, ringing his hands.  Harry was about to say something when Oliver suddenly ran off.  Harry stood there with his mouth open for a minute, then shrugged and skipped off giggling.

**Authors' Notes:** What will happen at the Quidditch match?  Find out next time, in 'Amnesia Amigoes'!


	9. Chapter9

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter NINE

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_Previously in 'Amnesia Amigoes':__ Harry went to Divination and Potions class, lost fifty points for Gryffindor and successfully distracted people from suspecting he might be faking._

***Quidditch***

The day for the Quidditch match had come. Everyone was looking forward to it. It wasn't often that teams played with players suffering either amnesia or depression, or anything for that matter. And this match had both. In the Gryffindor change room, Oliver Wood was giving his team a pep talk, more for his own benefit than anyone else's.

"It's going to be okay," said Oliver, his anxious pacing belying his words.  "I know we're playing Slytherin and our Seeker has amnesia, but their Seeker is suffering severe depression, so it's all good…it'll be okay…" he continued.

"Don't worry Oliver," said Fred, winking at Harry.  Harry smiled blankly at him, then started running around the room flinging his Quidditch robes out behind him.

"I'm BATMAN!!  Na na na na na na na na, Batman!!" he sang, breaking several windows with both his voice, and the way he was running.  Fred and George looked on proudly.  Their little prankster was all grown up…  Before anyone knew it, they were due out on the Quidditch pitch for the game.

"Welcome to one of the most anticipated game of the year- Gryffindor versus Slytherin!" declared Lee Jordan.  "First out is the Gryffindor team, led by Oliver Wood.  They've had some problems lately with their Seeker, Harry Potter, tragically losing his memory but have rallied excellently.  The Slytherin team, led by Marcus Flint, hasn't been without problems themselves, with their Seeker Draco Malfoy's sudden bout of severe depression.  This promises to be an interesting match…"

Harry flew around in tight circles around Hermione's head while Lee Jordan introduced everyone.  He glanced over at Draco, who was slumped on his broom looking miserable.  Harry flew over to him.

"Come to gloat Potter?" asked Draco without his usual feeling.  Harry shrugged, looking confused.

"What are we doing?" he asked, before doing a series of loop-de-loops and twirls.  He stopped just as suddenly, feeling a bit of motion sickness.  Draco burst into tears again.

"We're playing Quidditch, not that there's any point.  She'll never notice me, not with you here…" he gasped out through his sobs.

Harry shrugged again, and started doing a stunning display of gymnastics on his broomstick. Looking down, he suddenly saw a lot of things that weren't usually on the ground of a Quidditch pitch.

"Hmmm... trampolines, sponge filled pools, cushions, straightjackets... what are they doing there?" he said to himself. But there was no time to think about that now; the game was about to start.  He stood precariously on his broom and attempted to do an arabesque.  It didn't work, and he sat back down again feeling dejected.  He watched the game for a while, cheering, "Go Ravenclaw!!!!" loudly whenever Slytherin scored.  Oliver looked like he was trying not to murder Harry, and Harry grinned at him.  

The Snitch had just appeared, and now Harry wasn't sure what to do. Should he 'recover' and play the game properly, and win? (We all know how modest he was...) Or should he play dumb some more? After all, it was very fun. He pondered this, while the Snitch flew in a circle around his head.  He batted at it playfully, drawing gasps from the crowd.  Finally he hit it brutally with the end of his broom, shattering it into a million pieces.  There was a mad rush as Madame Hooch looked for the reserve Snitch, and then the game resumed.

Whatever happened, Malfoy probably wouldn't play properly. He was still sitting glumly on his broomstick, not paying any attention to what was happening at all.

"Swing low, sweet chariot, coming forth to carry me home..." he sang, sobbing quietly to himself. 

Then Malfoy fell off his broom. No one was really sure how he managed to do this, as he had been strapped onto it with what looked like all the belts in Slytherin house, a couple of rolls of Spellotape and a rope for good measure. There was also a security net attached to the bottom of the broom, and Malfoy was wearing a harness, which was attached to a board, floating above him. But they didn't seem to be enough.

 This was when the entire audience realised what the trampolines were for. They watched as Malfoy bounced, up and down, up and down. He gradually slowed down, and came to a stop. He was crying again, and mumbling incoherently. Snape came over to him, picked him up, and started to carry him towards his common room.

"There there Draco, tell Uncle Snape what's wrong..." Snape said to Malfoy, soothingly. Malfoy cried even more (and that's really saying something).

Up in the air, Harry was still flying around the Quidditch pitch. Now that Malfoy had fallen, he could do whatever the hell he felt like doing! He thought the trampolines looked fun, so he tumbled sideways off his broom in a perfect imitation of Malfoy.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS FUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he cried, bouncing up and down.  He bounced too hard and went flying through the air.  He landed roughly on the ground, somehow managing to miss all the sponge filled pools.  The crowd screamed.

Up in the air, Oliver Wood was groaning, and banging his head against a brick wall that 'just happened' to be flying next to where he was.

"If only he had gotten the Snitch!!!!!" he groaned. Back on the ground, Harry was being placed on a stretcher, strapped firmly down. But because he's Harry Potter, he managed to escape, and went running up to his common room, singing something about having a lovely bunch of coconuts.

**Authors' Notes:** Will Malfoy continue to grow more and more depressed?  Will Harry eventually decide that enough is enough and tell the truth?  Find out next time, in 'Amnesia Amigoes'!


	10. Chapter10

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter TEN

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_Previously in 'Amnesia Amigoes':__  Harry played Quidditch._

**__**

***In the boys dormitory***

Harry lay on his bed, thinking over the events of the past week and brooding.  Instead of his friends showing him the same loyalty that he'd come to expect, all they demonstrated was lies and betrayal.  Hermione had tried to convince him that she was his girlfriend.  She had tried to get him to buy so many expensive things, and to top things off, she thought she had succeeded.  Just as well Harry hadn't signed that order form with his real signature.  Hermione would probably put this down to the amnesia he was supposed to be suffering.  So much for being able to trust her.

And then there was Ron.  How could he try to claim Harry's history like that? Harry had known he was jealous, but he didn't realise he was that jealous.  Honestly, Ron Weasley, the hero of the modern world?!  Imagine what everyone would think if they knew.  Especially Malfoy.  Harry sniggered at the thought of Malfoy's expression if he'd heard it.  That was probably why Ron had stopped Harry from worshipping him the way he was.  Harry's grin faded quickly.

And Draco's sudden depression…what was that all about?  Harry shrugged, figuring that it was probably some Slytherin thing.

But there was something else that was disturbing Harry.  Why hadn't Hermione seen through Harry's charade?  She was supposed to be really smart, a child genius.  Not only that, but she could solve a Rubik's cube in 10 seconds.  Harry smiled at the memory of her presenting one to Ron for Christmas.  He had nearly cracked up right then and there.   Once again his grin faded.  Maybe Hermione wanted Harry to have lost his memory, so that she could take advantage of him.  Harry had always thought that she was the mature one.  Not like Ron. Harry had expected Ron to believe the story.  He felt betrayed, and didn't know what to do.

_'Maybe I should tell them the truth.'_ thought Harry. _' I should never have agreed to go along with a stupid idea dreamed up by Fred and George.'_

_' Hey, thanks a lot!! We were trying to help you!' _ came the voice of Fred. 

_'Yeah!  And it wasn't a stupid idea!'_ came the voice of George.

Harry jumped. How did they know what he was thinking?  He spun around, searching the room anxiously for anything out of the ordinary.  Or further out of the ordinary, considering this was a school of magic.

_' Oh, about that. It's our new invention. Lets us read the minds of whomever we want as long as they're in a 12 mile radius.' _Fred explained cheerfully.

_' Yeah, it doesn't have a name yet.'_ George said. _'  You wouldn't believe what Snape thinks about when he's alone...Maybe you could use this to find out what Ron and Hermione are thinking!'_

"**_NO!!!!!!!"_** Harry yelled out loud.  With that, Fred and George appeared to leave Harry's mind.  Harry slumped back down on his bed, deep in thought again.

****

Meanwhile, in the common room, Ron was excitedly telling Hermione all the stuff he had told Harry. It was the first chance he had had. Controlling Harry was no easy task. Hermione wasn't impressed that he had virtually rewritten history.  In fact, one could almost say that she was…angry?  Surely not!

"Honestly Ron, what were you thinking?!!" she said, sounding extremely irritated.  Okay, maybe she was angry.  There was a pause, then the distinctive slap of flesh hitting flesh resounded around the room.

"OWWW!!!!" yelled Hermione indignantly.

"Mosquito," replied Ron, as a means of explanation. " I just wanted to see what he'd think. I thought that if anything would make him reveal that he was just faking it, then that would be it," he added in a vain, desperate attempt to justify himself.

"And what would you have done had he been putting it on? I don't think he would have been impressed," Hermione sneered.  She folded her arms and glared at him challengingly.

"I would have slapped him on the back and said, 'wasn't that a good joke? You sure had us fooled!' " Ron replied carelessly, trying out the Rubik's cube again. " Anyway, it's not like you can talk. It'll be lucky if he has any money left!" 

" Yes, well..." stuttered Hermione. "It didn't work anyway. The signature wasn't valid, or something. I couldn't get the money."

"Just as well," Ron mumbled, an evil grin lighting his face.  

"Yeah..."

"Don't tell me you really expected to get all those things!" Ron exclaimed, shocked.  He lifted the Rubik's cube up high, and then heaved against the ground as hard as he could.  It shattered, and he smiled proudly at the mess he'd created.

"What would you have done if you could have gotten the things you asked for, and then he recovered, to find out that he had no money?" Ron asked a minute later, partially out of anger and partially out of curiosity.  He wondered if there was any situation Hermione couldn't talk her way out of.  Hermione reached down absently and picked up the pieces of the Rubik's cube.

Hermione's hands moved in a blur, and then she handed the now completely fixed cube back to Ron.  Ron stared at it, and then threw it on the ground again. It shattered again, and Hermione shot him an admonishing look.

" Well, I suppose I would have started grovelling." she answered, sounding a little ashamed of herself, while bending down to fix the Rubik's cube again.  

"Well, you'd better start grovelling," came a familiar voice from the doorway.

**Authors' Notes:** Can Ron and Hermione talk their way out of this one?  Find out next time in 'Amnesia Amigoes'!


	11. Chapter11

Amnesia Amigoes- Chapter ELEVEN

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_Previously in 'Amnesia Amigoes':__ Harry decided that he'd had enough, Ron and Hermione felt guilty, Harry walked in on their conversation._

__

***Still in the Common Room***

"Harry!" yelled Hermione. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, are you alright Harry?" asked Ron.

Harry glared at them evilly, before pointing his eyes in three different directions, turning his head around in a full circle, and turning around to talk to someone who Hermione and Ron couldn't see. 

"Do I look alright?" he asked the imaginary person. Hermione and Ron exchanged Looks.

"So they weren't joking," whispered Hermione, shocked.  She shook her head in disbelief.

"I never knew that was possible," said Ron, amazed.  Then he frowned.  It was Harry Potter, anything was possible.  Well, anything up to him dying, that would never happen.  

Lucky bastard.

Harry continued to glare. It was a very unusual look.

"Ummm..." Hermione and Ron didn't know what to say. They wanted Harry to say something first.  Silence fell.  Well, except for…

"Drip drip," said the tap.  Everyone ignored it.  It was silent once more.

" Well?!!!" Harry finally asked, growing impatient.

"Yeah, ummm, look, about the whole amnesia thing..." started Ron.

"Yeah, we ummm, never really meant anything by it..." Hermione tried to continue, but the sight of Harry glaring at her with his eyes pointing still in those three different directions silenced her. (Seriously, it was really weird.)

"What do you mean you never meant anything by it?!"  Harry screamed, louder and shriller even than Hermione could possibly manage.  Which was saying quite a lot.

"Well, we were just playing a joke. We were trying to make you get your memory back, by saying things that weren't true. Apparently, it has a 99.99% success rate. I read about it in a book somewhere." said Hermione, thinking fast.

"Yeah, that." added Ron desperately.  

Harry stared at the pair of them, furious.

"Really," he said, more statement than question, disbelief etched all over his face. There was a dull silence. Then…

**_WHACK!!!!!!!!!!_**

**_                                    THUNK!!!!!_**

"What did you do that for?!!" Ron yelled, annoyed.

"Revenge..." Harry replied demonically.

 

Hermione came to with an aching head and a desperate need to use the toilet.  She looked around the room, not recognising anything.  Her head pounded, and she reached up to touch it, wincing slightly.

"Hermione, are you okay?" said a tall, red-haired boy, frowning in concern.

"**_Who are you?!!!!!!" _** she screamed, before fainting.

"Not again!" groaned Ron.

**Authors' Notes:** Will Hermione ever recover?  We guess you'll never know, cos that was THE END.  (Finally.)


End file.
